I hate your face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
