RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
