Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
ttyl tear gas
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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