honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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