he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
