ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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