God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
