why didn't you poke me back
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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