No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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