I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
