my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
