I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
