Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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