she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
