Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
