last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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