Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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