spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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