Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
