tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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