Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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