that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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