worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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