You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
