she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
