We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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