I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
