ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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