you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
