I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize