You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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