This house was built for laser tag.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
