I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
