I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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