I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
