Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
