dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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