APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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