Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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