I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize