According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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