Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
