I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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