Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize