I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
