I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
