I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize