Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
