My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize