I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
