Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
