I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
