my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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