Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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