I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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