i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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