I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
