life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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