you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
