hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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