i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize