just come out here and I will go home with you...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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