I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
