Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
