The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
