you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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