Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
