I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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