So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
