fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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