member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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