oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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