I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
