Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize