If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
