Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
